Living in the moment

New Year being the time to look forward, I find myself doing the equivalent of hiding behind the sofa, peeping through my fingers in mingled fear and fascination at what horrors might be coming my way in 2013. However, Janus being two-faced looks backwards as well as forwards, and I look back on 2012 with all the ghoulish interest of a spectator at a train wreck. It wasn't a good year.

That doesn't mean that I didn't work hard and achieve successes, some almost by accident along the way and some wrested from the snarling jaws of defeat. But, like most people other than politicians, what I remember best of 2012 were the failures. It was the year I pretty much gave up on being a chief cataloguer, not out of choice but simply as the result of Not Enough Time and Too Much Other Stuff To Do. So I didn't do any cataloguing, any classification or any authority control. I didn't think very much about RDA. Heck, I didn't even do very much checking of other people's cataloguing. I didn't count stuff or keep proper records, so I am way behind with statistics, which makes the end of every quarter a nightmare of catch-up and invention. I didn't have time to bother my colleagues with wondering whether we could do things better if we did them differently or even with asking for a reminder as to why we do things the way we do. (It is fair to say that my colleagues were grateful for this, as saving their time as well as mine). When I can't remember something I have no chance of finding it in the morass of disorganised emails. I didn't read enough and I didn't blog enough and I didn't think enough. In Olympic year I didn't succeed in going the extra mile or even the extra 100 metres.

Instead I lived hand-to-mouth, throwing far too many cans of worms onto the back burner and leaving far too many dogs to slumber undisturbed. I barely responded to emails unless they were in block red capitals with URGENT in the subject line. If you didn't shout loudly and persistently, I ignored you. Sorry for that.

I wore myself to a frazzle in 2012 doing whatever I could find time to do but I also spent far too much time worrying about the rest. Which is why I am going to try to adopt the new fashion for "mindfulness" in 2013. Whatever I do, I am going to try to concentrate on it, and not be distracted or bothered by everything else. I will take one careful step at a time, not try to balance on several greasy stools and end up falling between them in an undignified and irritable heap. I shall enjoy doing one thing properly, rather than get frustrated by doing half a dozen things badly. I shall embrace the "slow" movement and live in the moment. And I shall ignore you even when you shout. Sorry for that.